UAGC was never my friend.
So, picture this: I’m a shining beacon of corporate-sponsored academic achievement. My employer, bless their profit-driven little hearts, decided to throw me a bone and let me get a bachelor’s degree for free! Yes, FREE! Through the illustrious Ashford University, which, in a plot twist worthy of a soap opera, morphed into the “prestigious” University of Arizona Global Campus. You know, because rebranding makes everything better. Like slapping a “organic” sticker on a Twinkie.
I started down the path of code-slinging software development, but then, because I clearly enjoy pain, I decided to dive headfirst into the glorious world of Cyber and Data Security. Because nothing says “fun” like staring at lines of code and desperately trying to understand what a “packet” is.
Now, during this academic rollercoaster, both my university AND my employer got sold. Because why not? Just to keep things interesting. I was convinced my free ride was about to become a very expensive Uber. But, surprise, surprise! My NEW employer, those paragons of capitalism, actually honored the agreement. They’re basically saints.
Fast forward to January 2025. I’m practically swimming in academic glory, graduating magna cum laude. I’m thinking, “Finally, I can stop pretending I understand what a ‘buffer overflow’ is!”
Then, the email. The ominous email. The “check with corporate tuition” email. You know, the one that whispers, “Your dreams are about to be crushed.”
Turns out, my “FULL TUITION GRANT” was about as full as a politician’s promise. In April 2024, those philanthropic geniuses at the non-profit University of Arizona Global Campus decided to start charging their “FTG” students for… wait for it… digital books, virtual labs, and “technology fees.” Because, you know, clicking a mouse button costs money. Apparently.
So, they decided to hold my degree hostage for a mere $1400. A pittance, really. Just a tiny little ransom for years of my life and sanity.
Let’s recap, shall we? My FOR-PROFIT employer, the epitome of corporate greed, acted ethically. But the NON-PROFIT university, the bastion of higher learning, decided to shake me down like a mob boss.
They printed money for four years, and then decided to add a little “extortion” to the graduation festivities. Because nothing says “welcome to the real world” like a good old-fashioned shakedown.
So, here’s to the University of Arizona Global Campus: where “non-profit” means “we’ll squeeze every last dollar out of you.” And here’s to my employer, who, in a world gone mad, actually did the right thing.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a $1400 bill to pay before I can get my piece of paper. Because apparently, “magna cum laude” doesn’t pay the bills.
